


Love Lives On

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, But it's there, Cancer, Cancer treatment, F/M, Smut, not super explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 07:15:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15019451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Jensen is a nurse who falls in love with one of his patients.





	Love Lives On

 

There were always things that reminded him of her, but today she seemed to be everywhere he turned. The basketball game on the tv. The showing of highlights from this year’s NYC ball drop. The pregnant woman in the hall that he had actually thought was her until she turned around. Her voice in his head and the mirage of her sitting in the chemo chair.

Jensen felt as if he couldn’t breath as he rushed out the doors of the hospital. Misha and Briana had been checking up on him all day, and finally they had gone to Jared, who had decided to give Jensen a sick day. Normally he would have argued with his friends and co-workers, but Jared was his boss. Not that that normally would have stopped him, but Jensen knew they were right. He couldn’t be here today. Jensen knew where he had to be.

Everything was a blur as he drove to see her. It was a miracle he didn’t crash. His thoughts weren’t on his surroundings. They were with Danneel. He smiled when he remembered how taken he had been with her the moment he had met her. She was one of Jared’s patients, and she had advanced cervical cancer. Most patients Jensen met upon Jared telling them the news was screaming and crying. They would yell at Jared for something that was out of his control, or beg for him to rerun the results cause there had to be a mistake.

Danneel had done neither. She had taken a deep breath, sitting down in the chair she had refused to sit in moments ago, gathering herself before looking up at her doctor and nurse.

_“So how are we gonna kick this thing’s ass?”_

Jensen still smiled as he remembered her words. Danneel Harris had been one of a kind. She was courageous and ready to fight for the life she wanted. She had gone through surgery two days later, even if Jensen had seen the look of trepidation on her face when Jared told her what they needed to do. The surgery was robbing her of a dream. She would never have kids of her own, but she had trusted Jared when he told her it was the only way. She was ready to fight for her life and make any sacrifices she had too along the way.

Jensen wiped the tears away with the back of his hand as he remembered the first time he had held her in his arms. It had been a few days after the surgery, and she was recovering nicely. Jensen, the head nurse on the cancer wing, often worked closely with Jared and shared all of his patients. Danneel Harris hadn’t been any exception.

_Jensen handed off Mrs. Williams charts to Briana at the desk with a smile before grabbing Ms. Harris’. She had quickly become one of his favorite patients, and even if the cancer had been advanged, Jared had managed to get most of it. There were no guarantees. There never were in these kind of things, but Jensen and Jared both hoped that with a few rounds of very aggressive chemotherapy Ms. Harris would be able to walk out of the hospital a healthy woman._

_Today Jensen had to change her bandages and make sure the wound was healing nicely. He was reading over the notes on the chart Jared had put there last night as he walked down the hall and into the room. He didn’t notice her at first, not until he heard the quiet sobs, and his eyes immediately searched the room to no avail._

_“Ms. Harris?” Jensen called out as he put the chart down on the table next to her bed, smiling a little when he heard her voice correct him from somewhere behind the bed._

_“Danneel. How many times do I need to tell you to call me Danneel?” she grumbled, but the distress was still evident in her voice. Jensen walked around the bed, quickly kneeling down beside her on the floor where she was sitting against the wall._

_“Ms. Ha…” Jensen started but thought better of it when her tearfilled eyes shot lightning at him, “Danneel, what are you doing on the floor? You’ll get sick.” Jensen worried, and Danneel laughed a humorless laugh._

_“Really? What do you call this?” She pulled up her shirt revealed her bandages to him, and Jensen felt a pang in his heart. It hurt seeing her like this. The strong, stubborn woman he had come to know over the last few days was in tears before him, and honestly, she seemed like someone that was about to give up. Jensen wouldn’t let her._

_“Your battle scar.” Jensen sent her a wink and a smile, which she returned reluctantly, letting her shirt fall in place and her head rested back against the wall._

_“My little brother and niece were here earlier,” she started explaining, and Jensen moved to sit next to her. He still wanted to get her off the cold floor as fast as possible, but he had also come to know her well enough to know that there would be no moving her until she was good and ready. Instead Jensen decided to listen._

_“I always wanted kids. I always thought there would be time. Seeing Valarie today, it hit me that I won’t ever have that.”_

_Tears streamed down her cheeks, and Jensen instinctively wrapped his arms around her. It wasn’t professional. He knew that, but Danneel wasn’t like his other patients. He had known that from the moment he first laid eyes on her. She was special. She wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest, crying against him. He closed his eyes trying to restrain himself from kissing her hair. He wished he could make all her disease magically go away. He wished he could make everything better and give her back the life she had once had. He couldn’t so instead he just held her, offering her some some sense of comfort._

_Jensen didn’t say anything at first. She needed to grieve and he was going to let her. He knew that in that moment there was nothing he could say that would make the impact of her lose better. He was just going to be there for her as long as she needed him. There were other ways to become a mom, but Jensen knew the strong, intelligent lawyer in his arms already knew that. That wasn’t what she was grieving. She mourned the loss of never getting to experience a life growing inside of her, the excitement of telling her partner and bringing a life into the world._

_A lot of people would call her stupid, telling her that she had more important things to be worried about. They would call her spoiled because she had the money and lifestyle to adopt a child, but not Jensen. He understood her pain, and she was entitled to it. A dream had been stolen from her, and even if another could eventually take its place, she had every right to be hurting now._

After that day, something had changed between them. Danneel made jokes that caused Jensen to flush bright red as he was changing her bandages, and her giggle when she saw it made his heart skip a beat. There were lingering hand touches and urges to kiss her that he pushed down. Whenever Jensen had a free moment, he found himself circling back to her room, even having lunch with her once or twice in her room.

Offcourse Jared noticed and pulled him aside. What Jensen had expected to be a reprimand on unprofessional behavior with patients had been a friendly talk. A talk that had made Jensen really realise how he felt about her the more he talked. Jared had offered his support, but also advised Jensen to be cautious. Just because her surgery had been a success, she wasn’t out of the woods yet. When it came to Danneel being a patient Jared knew his friend. He had known him for years, and he had never seen him happier or more drawn to someone. Jared knew Jensen wouldn’t take advantage of his patient, and nothing would happen unless Jensen knew Danneel absolutely wanted it too.

“ _You met at a party and referred her to me. You were friends before she came here. You told me about her,” Jared shrugged with a smile,.“If anyone asks that’s my answer.”_

Jensen stopped at a redlight, letting his mind wander to the day she had been released from the hospital. She was going to be back twice a week for chemotherapy, but he was no longer going to see her everyday. She was no longer under his direct care.

“ _What are you doing here?” Danneel laughed, stuffing some of her stuff into her bag, only taking a break to give Jensen a puzzled look. “Cme to wish me goodbye and good luck on your day off? I’m honored nurse Ackles,” she teased._

_Jensen nervously ran his hand behind his neck, giving her a nervous smile. “Actually, I came hoping you’d have lunch with me? Non hospital food lunch.” He sent her a small smirk, trying his best to hide his nerves, when he saw the surprise on her face._

_Jensen was just about ready to start apologizing for his behavior when her face broke into a huge smile, and she nodded. “Well I kinda wanna go home and shower and dress in something that doesn’t smell like hospital. How about dinner instead?” she asked, and Jensen felt his stomach do a flip as he smiled so hard his cheeks started to hurt._

_“Dinner sounds perfect. Can I give you a ride home, or is your brother picking you up?” Jensen asked hopeful, causing Danneel to giggle._

_“No he had a business meeting. A ride would be amazing Jensen,” she assured him, kissing his cheek as she walked past him. “Thank you.”_

Jensen’s eyes were closed, the feeling of her lips still clear against his skin. It was almost like she was right there next to him. Right up until a horn went off behind him and startling him to open his eyes. The light was green, and Danneel wasn’t beside him.

A tear rolled down his cheek as he put the car into motion, continuing towards his destination. He busied his mind, remembering how beautiful she had been in that red dress on their first date,. How shy she had appeared when he took her hand and asked her to dance with him. How perfect she had felt in his arms, and how at home he had felt when they’d shared their first kiss. He remembered the next few dates and the butterflies she had given him. He remembered her showing up at the hospital during his shift on New Year’s Eve and how scared he had been when he saw her.

“ _Dani! What are you doing here? Are you feeling okay?” Jensen rambled, looking her up and down, trying to detect what could be wrong with her, not even noticing the mischievous smile on her face before she pressed the silly hat onto his head._

_“I’m good you dork,” she laughed. “I was just at my brother’s party, and I all of a sudden knew it wasn’t where I was supposed to be.” Danneel nodded towards the TV where the count down to the ball drop had begun._

_“I wanted to be with my boyfriend when the ball drops.” She grinned, and Jensen felt the tears press against his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her. Danneel reached up cupping his face in her hands just as the last ten seconds started counting down._

_“I love you, DeeDee,” Jensen spoke, softly telling her how he felt for the first time. Danneel smiled so brightly that the sun would pale in comparison. Her lips crashed against his just as the people around them started calling Happy New Year, and the fireworks went off on the TV screen._

_“I love you too, Jay,” Danneel beamed when they broke apart for air, and Jensen kissed her again, not caring about his friends and co-workers cheering and whistling around him. He didn’t release her until Jared poked his shoulder, and Jensen looked back at his friends with a dazed, goofy grin on his face._

_Jared rolled his eyes playfully still couldn’t help but smile. “Get out of here. I know your shift doesn’t end for another 2 hours, but I can’t stand that stupid smirk for that long,” Jared teased, and Jensen didn’t need to be told twice._

_Jensen took her hand, and began pulling a giggling Danneel behind him. Her hand barely left his for the entire drive back to her place, and the second they reached her apartment, his hands were all over her._

_He was kissing her against the wall, her legs hooked around his waist, her hands in his hair, and both of their shirts were already on the floor before he had gotten a hold of himself. It was barely two months since she had gone through surgery. He needed to calm himself down._

_“Dee. We don’t have to do this,” he whispered, resting his forehead against hers, closing his eyes, trying to will his body to relax. It wasn’t easy. He wanted her, needed her, but she was too important to him. He wanted this moment to be perfect._

_“I want too.” Dannel gently tugged his hair, urging him to look at her. “I want you to make love to me,” she begged almost shyly, and Jensen couldn’t deny her. He wrapped his arms tightly around her as he carried her towards her bedroom._

_He gently laid her down on the bed before following her. His eyes momentarily searched hers for any doubts. When he found none, he kissed her. Sweet and innocent at first until her hands began to wander, and Jensen could no longer keep his still either._

_Their hands and lips gently caressed each other as they slowly undressed. Her breath hitched when his kisses trailed down to her breasts and over her stomach, lingering over the scar from her surgery before finally settling with his head between her legs._

_Every gasp of his name falling from her lips made his length twitch with need. Every soft moan was music to his ears, and when she finally fell apart, squeezing her thighs around his head and making his ears ring, he swore he could die happy right then and there._

_“You okay?” Jensen grinned when she finally released him, and he moved to lie besides her, gently tracing patterns on her skin with the tips of his fingers, enjoying how it caused her to temper slightly._

_“Never better,” she giggled, before turned her head to face him with a bright smile. “Wow. You’re really good at that!”_

_“If you need a break…” Jensen spoke softly, not wanting to push her in anyway, but Danneel just rolled her eyes at him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, almost pulling him on top of her, making Jensen laugh into her kiss._

_“Bossy,” he mumbled, kissing his way down her jaw before sucking down on the spot  he discovered that made her arch into him every time._

_“Jensen stop teasing me,” she whined, and Jensen grinned against her skin. He pulled back, looking into her eyes before reaching down between them and stroking himself a few times before aligning his length with her entrance._

_“You ready?” he asked, and Danneel bit her lip in anticipation as she nodded._

_“Please.”_

_Jensen and Danneel didn’t break eye contact as he slowly pushed himself into her. She gasped when he bottomed out, but she quickly relaxed, wrapping her arms and legs around him as he kissed her sweetly. He gave her all the time in the world to adjust before slowly starting to move. He set a slow, loving pace to match his kiss. A kiss that eventually, turned into breathing and gasping against each other’s lips as Jensen slowly brought them both closer to their end._

_Danneel came a second time, calling out his name, and Jensen soon followed with an animalistic groan of her’s. They stayed close together that night. They could barely stop kissing as they held each other close, exchanging sweet nothings for hours before they dosed off to sleep with blissful smiles gracing their faces._

After that night, there hadn’t been a free moment that Jensen hadn’t shared with Danneel. He had taken her to basketball games, movies and ice skating on the days she had been up for it. On the ones where her body barely let her move, they had stayed in, cuddling on the bed or couch while watching old movies and eating whatever Jensen had been able to whip up for them.

He had visited her during chemotherapy when he was at work, and Misha, who had been her nurse through her care, had teased them both relentlessly everytime Jensen leaned into kiss her hello or goodbye.

_“I think I missed that class in nursing school,” Misha grinned when Jensen gave Danneel a sweet kiss before getting up to get back to his rounds. “Oh well. I am a quick learner, besides, I’d do anything for my favorite patient,” Misha grinned, leaning in to pretend to try and kiss Jensen’s girlfriend, only to have Danneel hit him square in the face with one of her pillows._

_“Try that again, and you’re gonna need a nurse and a few doctors,” she smirked, making Jensen laugh as Misha fake pouted._

_“That’s my girl,” Jensen kissed the top of her head. “See you at home with pizza and ice cream.”_

It wasn’t until Jensen put the car into park that he allowed himself to remember the last night he had been truly happy. It was the last time he had felt any hope. It had been the night before her meeting with Jared and the night she had tried to break up with him the first time.

“ _What’s this?” Jensen frowned seeing the boxes on her living room floor as he walked into her apartment after a 12 hour shift._

_“It’s your stuff,” Danneel kept her distance from him, stepping back when he reached for her, making Jensen’s heart shatter into a million pieces._

_“Did I do something?” he asked. “I’m sorry for whatever it was. Can we please talk about this?”_

_“There’s nothing to talk about Jensen,” Danneel spoke, clearly fighting her tears. “You’re amazing, but no matter what Jared is going to tell me tomorrow, you deserve better than me. I’m broken… Even if I make it through this. I’ll never be able to give you a family. I…”_

_“Dee stop!” Jensen raised his voice at her for the first time, and she instantly stopped talking._

_He didn’t want to scared her. He just needed her to stop. Her eyes widened a bit in surprise, but she didn’t move this time when he stepped towards her. Her words from seconds before were still ringing in his ears. How could she not see how perfect she was to him? He didn’t care that she could never have a biological child. He didn’t care if she had months of treatments to go. All he wanted was her._

_“Baby you’re my family. No matter what Jared is going to tell us tomorrow. That won’t change,” Jensen assured her, gently running his hands up and down her arms._

_He hesitated for a while when she didn’t respond. “Dee please. Don’t do this. I love you.”_

_She didn’t even look at him, and Jensen felt the panic rise inside of him. This couldn’t be how things ended between them. He wouldn’t let it. His thoughts traveled to the shopping trip he had taken after one of her chemo sessions. She had been asleep at home, and Jensen had been watching her for a few hours before he had left for the store, overtaken by the feeling he never wanted to be without her again. He didn’t know what else to do in this moment even if this had not been his plan at all._

_“Screw it,” Jensen muttered, kneeling down before her, fishing the box out of his pocket that had been burning a hole into it for weeks. He closed his eyes for a second hearing Danneel gasp before starting to protest._

_“Jensen, you don’t have to too do do this…”_

_“I know I don’t have to do anything. Dee, I love you. I want to be with you. No matter what. And please stop worrying about not being able to have kids. We can adopt or get a dog. Whatever you want. I’ll be happy as long as I have you,” Jensen rambled, taking her hand in his as her tears started streaming down her face._

_“Danneel ,I love you with all of my heart. Make me the luckiest man alive and do me the honor of becoming my wife?” Jensen asked, hesitantly looking up into her eyes._

_A huge smile spread across his face when she nodded through her tears, whispering a yes. Jensen quickly pushed the ring onto her finger before jumping to his feet, pulling her into his arms and kissing her breathless._

Jensen hit the steering wheel of his truck over and over again, as a scream that barely sounded human erupted through the vehicle. It wasn’t fair. The next day when they had walked into Jared’s office together, all Jensen had needed was one look at his friend’s face to know this was where things were going to end.

He had stayed strong for her that day, holding her as she cried. He hadn’t let her push him away when the first blood clots had occurred or when the vaginal bleeding had begun. He had married her on a beautiful summer day, surrounded by their family and closest friends. He had taken her on their honeymoon, carrying her to bed when she had been too tired to walk and staying by her side as she slept.

He had held her hand through the pain when the cancer slowly stole the life of the strong, smiling woman he had come to love. She stayed brave and filled with life right up until that morning when she just hadn’t woken up, and her skin had felt icy against his lips as he leaned in to kiss her good morning.  

Jensen had screamed out her name much like he had sitting in his truck alone today. The difference was that she had still been in his arms then. He had rocked her lifeless body and begged her to come back to him, even if he knew she was gone.

She was gone, and Jensen was now walking across the cemetery until he reached her headstone. He kneeled down in front of it, replacing the roses he had gotten this morning with the lilacs he had place on her grave just a few days ago.

“Happy Valentine’s Day honey,” Jensen choked back his tears. It had been a year today, and he still felt as if he could barely breathe without her. “I know you would yell at me for still coming here every day, but I just miss you so fucking much.” Jensen’s voice broke as the tears streamed down his cheeks. “I’ll always love you, Dee.”

> **Elta Danneel Ackles**
> 
> **03.18.1979 - 14.02.2009**
> 
> **Beloved daughter, sister and wife.**
> 
> **Gone too soon, but never forgotten.**


End file.
